30 Day Challenge: Day 20 (Your Fears)

There's a laundry list of things I could do without - most of them of the creepy, crawly variety - but I can think of very few things that warrant being labeled as a fear. I suppose the one thing that would count is this. I do not desire to see my dreams fail. I refuse to not live my life in such a way that I don't live up to my potential, failing to seize opportunities that are for me. I don't want to be complacent, unhappy - or even worse- angry that I gave up chasing my heart's desires and....SETTLED.

The very word gives me the creeps...I REFUSE to settle. There are so many things that God has for me. Some will come freely, some I have to pursue. Regardless of how difficult things get or what situations I will have to overcome, the sheer disgust I feel for just existing will keep me grinding. There are so many things I want out of life and things I feel God is calling me to.

I suppose that's a fear...or an aversion at the least. Regardless, I will avoid settling for anything less than who I'm meant to be.

30 Day Challenge: Day 19 (Five Items You Lust After0)

I try to refrain from lusting but here are 5-ish things that I really want right now.

1 - Wheels

Now I could have said a car but their are actually 3 vehicles currently on my wishlist:

Ford F150

VW Eos

Pink and Black Kawasaki

I've been without wheels since August and these three vehicles are on my wish list. I have wanted a convertible since I was about 5 and my dad would give me his car mags to look through. The Eos has become my favorite in the last few years due to its hardtop nature and relatively affordable price. I love pickups hence the F150 and I have wanted to learn how to ride a bike since college. If ever I do get a bike, you best believe it will have the absolute SICKEST hot pink, black and white paint job.

2 - Louboutin Fifi 100m Pumps

I may only wear them occasionally but when I do I will wear the HELL out of these shoes. I was at an event for work last month and I saw a woman with the peep toe version of these beauties and I could not stop staring at her feet. I like shoes but these shoes are baaaaaaad in person, like baaaaaaaaaaaaad.

3 - Neo Colonial Home

Everybody wants a home of their own and if I had my choice of home I would choose a neo-colonial gem similar to this one here.  I like the columns and screened in porch that these homes usually have. I also appreciate the roominess, fireplaces and picket fences that accompany them (though I would want untreated wood, not white). In this dream house where people would live, I imagine having an insane kitchen and a bathroom oasis where I can zone out in my soaking tub or custom granite steam shower.

4 - Beagle

I think these dogs are the absolute cutest! I'm the dork who will probably name her Snoopy or Sir Barks-a-lot because I can. 

5 - More Passport Stamps

To date I have only visited 3 other countries and all have been in the western hemisphere; this needs to change. I want to see more of the word and have memorable experiences in places where English isn't the national language. I was to meet new people, try new cuisines, get clothes from random markets in who-knows-where. I want to travel all over the world so that when I'm old and grey I can look back with a lil gleam in my eye and remember all the good times I had getting out of my comfort zone.  

30 Day Challenge: Day 18 (A Problem You've Had)

I'm not the best with confrontation. I can argue the hell out of something but there are times when I'm bad with addressing a situation. Examples always help so I'll give you one.

About a month and a half ago, I started talking to Bill*. We met via a dating site I was using (I have since closed my account) and started texting and speaking on the phone after some time. Conversation was decent and we decided to go out on a date. For reasons outside of both of our control, the date we chose had to be pushed back due to an unexpected work event. In talking to Bill. I noted that he started calling me pet names and it made me super uncomfortable but I didn't know how to address it, so I didn't. Then he started to try and invite himself to my social events. The man started making inferences to marriage. And the cherry on top was him leaving me messages telling me he missed me.

For some people, this is a no brainer, just address it. For me, its hard because I will be uncomfortable for the sake of not hurting someone else. After counsel and thinking it over, I decided to write. Where I have verbal blocks at time, the written word is freedom to me. I don't intentionally offend but I can say things most clearly when I have the ability to write them out. So that's what I did - I wrote him and told him he made me uncomfortable and I would discontinue speaking with him if his behavior continued.

Guess what?

He apologized. Profusely. My confronting the issue led to some sort of resolution. This happened recently so we'll see if we can be friends, its still too soon to tell. No matter, I confronted an uncomfortable situation and I'm glad that I did.


*name obviously change to refrain from blowing ups spots

30 Day Challenge: Day 17 (Something You're Proud Of)

I think that when looking introspectively one should find plenty of things to be proud of. I can certainly look back over the course of my life and point out accomplishments that I take great pride in: winning a NSF award at 17, making nearly anything I've tried out for, having a unique profile that makes people want to make positions for me. In anything I can take extreme pride in, there is one thing that stands out for me: Faith.

Now, for me, this faith is twofold. The obvious would be faith in God; I love Him mucho much and have a sincere trust in Him. If you know me, that kind of goes without saying....BUT one thing I'm not sure if people know is that I have faith in myself.

This isn't about personal deification, cause I'm far from that mode of thinking. I, honest to God and hand to heart, believe in myself. I am confident in my abilities, my talents and my giftings. I believe in the dreams that God has etched in my heart and the vision entrusted to me. This doesn't mean that I don't question; questioning is healthy and needed. What I don't believe in is self doubt. I am not equipped nor inclined to do everything, no one is. However, the things that I do feel called to do, I do and I do them well. I thank God for confidence in Him which lends to confidence in me. These confidences allow me to dream and dare to do things that don't seem to make sense to anyone else. This is what I am most proud of in my life.

30 Day Challenge: Day 16 (Something You Always Think "What If" About)

While I have quite the imagination, its rooted firmly in wondering about the possibility of things in my present (or thinking about things of a random nature). I can say I'm honestly content with the choices I've made and I'm not secretly pining for an old relationship/job/whatever. I understand my life is as it should be and I can say I love who I am and sincerely appreciate my life. There are a few things I'm hopeful for in the future but I entrust what's to come in God's hands.

30 Day Challenge: Day 15 (Your Zodiac and If You Think It Fits Your Personality)

TAURUS

While I don't follow a daily horoscope by any means, I do think that certain people born during certain times of the year share some traits...That said, I am a proud Taurus. 

The Good: Affectionate, Loyal, Clever, Resourceful, Practical, Analytically Inclined, Reflective, Determined, Patient, Stable

The Not-So-Good: Stubborn, Possessive, Materialistic, Lazy

I suppose in the grand scheme of things, I'm kind of your classic Taurus. I consider myself to be an ambivert (both intro-and extroverted when necessary) but I tend to be more reflective than not. I also read something about Taurus having a dogged, persistent determination which translates into stubbornness for most people. I think that's applicable for me. When I get something fixed in my mind, I'm pretty relentless in seeing it come to pass and honestly don't waiver much. I joke with friends that I'm built like a man, you gotta appeal to my logic or libido. I really don't change my mind unless I am given a SOLID reason to do so. 

One area where I don't fit the profile is resistance to change. I personally believe in progress and will adjust my life when necessary to see my goals come to pass. 

Ummm...Other Taurean qualities....I don't like to follow but when I trust someone who I feel has good vision, I can submit to said vision and be a support. I'm more sensitive than most people know. I know how to carve out paths that will make me successful and have a knack for spotting systematic weak points that can serve as loopholes for me. I'm generally chill but if you drive me to the point of anger (which is kind of difficult), may God protect your jugular cause that's where I'll start ripping. I'm a spender. I'm super loyal. I'm sentimental and love to love. I can't say that all the hubbub about sensuality and enjoying lavish things are off-base, cause they aren't. 

So yeah, I'm a Taurus...a pretty classic one at that. 

30 Day Challenge: Day 14 (What You Wore Today)

I felt like poo when I woke up this morning so I was already slumming it when I walked out the door. I definitely was wearing yoga pants and a sweater to work. Shortly after leaving my Grandma's I subbed those for capris and a tank as I have been holed up in my partner in crime's bedroom all day trying to kick these germs in the face. I suppose you can also say I wore a blanket....cause I was wrapped in that most of today :).

Feeling much better now...but loads of sleep and drugs will allow for that.

30 Day Challenge; Day 13 (Your Opinion About Your Body and How Comfortable You Are With It)

Ahhhh...blog challenge is trying to get all personal lol. This is an easy and hard thing to write about. Easy because I know how I feel but hard because I have to articulate it. I suppose I can take a break, post a picture then continue.

 

I love my body. But just like in a relationship love doesn't always equate like.There are good days (like in the pic above) where I feel super confident and pretty and am more than ready to floss my BBW awesome all over the town. There are other days where I don't feel so comfortable in my skin...like those days where I get super winded doing something simple like walking up steps. 

I'm all about self love but one of my goals for the next couple of years is to take it from "Team Chub-Chub" to "Team Chub-Chub Lite". I by no means desire to be skinny (I feel I'd look like a bobble head) but I want to be healthier and alleviate the physical stress too much weight has on my body. There is not a target weight or size...I'll know where I want to be when I get there.

Until that day comes, I will continue to love me where I'm at.