Rose Colored Glasses, Post Racist Thought and Dating

Race isn't something that I'm usually conscious of; I've had on rose colored glasses concerning race for most of my life. I'm blessed to have parents who have always encouraged me to judge and love people based on character and integrity instead of something silly like skin color. I definitely remember being a younger and having crushes and my parents letting me know that their only requirement in my choosing to date someone had to deal with how they treated me. 

Being older, this conversation has morphed from who I choose to date to who I will choose to marry but the thread has been the same....who I choose. This weekend I was confronted with someone imposing their opinion about said choice in a backhanded way and frankly, it both jarred me and pissed me off. 

The Backstory: A friend, who I have an on-again, off-again crush on came to visit me for the holidays. Said friend happens to be white; I, as you know, am not. Well an acquaintance of a friend, who happens to be a black male, must have picked up on my interest in my friend and made a few comments that I honestly could have choked him for because I perceived that they were meant to make me and my friend feel some kind of way about our relationship were unnecessary. I was ticked because I feel that dude only saw it as me, a black woman, being interested in a white male. What he doesn't know is why. No questions were asked about how we got to be so good of friends, that would have resulted in us sharing anecdotes from over 4 years of friendship. No inquiry made as to why this man piques my interest - I'd have to note his integrity, thoughtfulness and how he makes me smile. Instead someone who barely knows me and only just met him spoke from his hind parts and sounded like an ass (pun intended). 

Is this the worst situation that could have happened? Of course not...however, it did serve as a reminder that we, as people, are not as post-racial as we like to pretend to be. There are people who still take issue with seeing two people from different backgrounds show that they care for one another, whether that caring be based in platonic love or be of the romantic sort. 

End of the day, love should be given with no respect to color, creed or whatever other form of labeling we try and implement. And folks need to stop judging interracial friends, lovers and whatever falls in between cause you don't know who they are, what they're about or their story. 

Marriage, Engagements and Babies - Oh My!

'Tis the season to be married, fa la la la la la la la UGH!!!


My intention has been to write this posting for some time but life happens and honestly I don't much like tinkering with my computer after work. Fast forward a couple of months and insert a FULL weekend at home (I'm talking Thurs to Sun baby!) and here we are...

Before I delve into this, I'd like to note I am not bitter, just hyper aware.

Is it just me or is everyone married, getting married or in possession of a child they took some part in creating. Maybe I missed the memo here. When did we all start coupling up and engaging in procreation. I look around and it seems like more and more people are entering cuffing seasons of permanent proportions. I'm all for marriage, I even look forward to it someday BUT it feels like I'm watching a tidalwave of it going down. The time of the year sorta dictates what I'm seeing: colder months mean proposals and heat brings the weddings.

I am totally happy for couples who have been through the fire and been in deep committed relationship for longer than 7 minutes (or a year or two whatev lol) and then, after seeking counsel and committing themselves to prayer decide to get hitched. However, I would be lying if I said I didn't in some sense side eye people who appear to rush into marriage. This is arguably the biggest decision one will ever make and to commit a person in less time than your Fantasy (whatever) League takes to finish is a problem. Yes, you have the rest of your life to get to know each other but time allows for things to surface that may make you reconsider enmeshing your life with that person. And lets not talk about adding a small person to the mix...that in itself is a lil bundle of (insert word choice here).

Personally, I'm down with a 3-5 year relationship plan but who knows what will actually go down. I'm currently alternating between wondering why the hell everyone is getting hitched and (not so) secretly wondering when my day will come. God is in control but I sort of wish this wasn't happening in mass. I suppose that's the funness of being in your 20's, a bunch of life's major decisions seemingly sucker punch you and the people you love.

Aside from my personally not being on the ring, wedded bliss and/or spawn kick, I think my greatest challenge with all this is its not my MO right now. Would a relationship be nice? Sure, with the right person. But to be honest, I'm content right now with my job that pays peanuts and allows me the freedom to chase what I love. I'm content with walking down a flight of steps and getting face time with my dad. I'm content with doing whatever, whenever because I felt like it and I don't have any real sense of responsibility in relation to another person or set of people. I'm content with being young and single.

God bless all who are entering new seasons in your lives; when I remember I will pray for you cause the new territories come with new anxieties. As for me, I will thank Sweet Baby Jesus for where I am in life right now and rest in the awesome that is my singleness.