In writing to a parent, the following came to me:


"You are your own front line. Your actions, behaviors, performance and attitudes speak for you. The way you choose to live your life will serve as your primary means of advocacy." 

Me (2/2/12)

30 Day Challenge: Day 21 (How You Hope Your Future Will Be Like)

Love. Family. Career...I want it all. 

The future is a big place, we could be talking 5 minutes from now or 50 years. For all intents and purposes, I will go middle of the road here and share what I would like my life to look like in 10 years. In the order that I would like them to come - Boo, Home, Career, Progeny.

The Boo
My sincere hope is that I fall deeply and ridiculously in love with a man who is my best friend. I fancy whimsy enough to want romance but I'm practical enough to know that has the ability to fade and waiver. This is why having a solid friendship is important. Amicable relationships are based on loyalty, respect, understanding and honesty - all things that will serve as building blocks for a healthy marriage. Earlier in the challenge I noted some of the qualities I like in men and I entrust that God will bring a man my way that possesses them. I can't remember if I said it then but if not, I'll say it now. I want a man who taps into God's heart for me and showers me with a love so pure that I blossom under it. I want to share a love that is rooted in Christ and a marriage that it is as much about seeing God's kingdom established in the external world as it is in our home.

Home

Oh, how I look forward to having my own home someday. One of my besties and I were talking about this recently and I shared that I want to create a home that is like a safe haven, a place of rest and refuge for anyone who needs it. I want to have a home that is welcoming, spacious and sorta chill overall. It should have a kitchen that facilitates food making and fellowship, a master bath where I can soak my cares away and have ample outdoor space to play and grow things in. It should also have space enough for my children (biological and adopted) to claim for self.

Career
I want my life's work to center on seeing the quality of others lives improved through educational empowerment. I've got a road map and the first step would be grad school in the next few years. While I feel I know what I want to do past that point, I want to be prudent in articulating things in season.

Progeny
I want the babies - three to be exact. As long as I can remember, I've seen motherhood as being a part of my dreams. If I have any say I want 2 boys and a girl and want to adopt. I remember reading something years ago where a woman spoke of having children bore of her heart and I think that's such a beautiful way to describe adoption. My desire is to have the space, material and emotional resources to give my munchkins a life full of love and experience that will prepare them to live whatever it is God has called them into.

So 10 years from now I hope to have an awesome husband, beautiful home, fulfilling career and awesome children. Let's see how all this works out.

30 Day Challenge: Day 20 (Your Fears)

There's a laundry list of things I could do without - most of them of the creepy, crawly variety - but I can think of very few things that warrant being labeled as a fear. I suppose the one thing that would count is this. I do not desire to see my dreams fail. I refuse to not live my life in such a way that I don't live up to my potential, failing to seize opportunities that are for me. I don't want to be complacent, unhappy - or even worse- angry that I gave up chasing my heart's desires and....SETTLED.

The very word gives me the creeps...I REFUSE to settle. There are so many things that God has for me. Some will come freely, some I have to pursue. Regardless of how difficult things get or what situations I will have to overcome, the sheer disgust I feel for just existing will keep me grinding. There are so many things I want out of life and things I feel God is calling me to.

I suppose that's a fear...or an aversion at the least. Regardless, I will avoid settling for anything less than who I'm meant to be.

Rose Colored Glasses, Post Racist Thought and Dating

Race isn't something that I'm usually conscious of; I've had on rose colored glasses concerning race for most of my life. I'm blessed to have parents who have always encouraged me to judge and love people based on character and integrity instead of something silly like skin color. I definitely remember being a younger and having crushes and my parents letting me know that their only requirement in my choosing to date someone had to deal with how they treated me. 

Being older, this conversation has morphed from who I choose to date to who I will choose to marry but the thread has been the same....who I choose. This weekend I was confronted with someone imposing their opinion about said choice in a backhanded way and frankly, it both jarred me and pissed me off. 

The Backstory: A friend, who I have an on-again, off-again crush on came to visit me for the holidays. Said friend happens to be white; I, as you know, am not. Well an acquaintance of a friend, who happens to be a black male, must have picked up on my interest in my friend and made a few comments that I honestly could have choked him for because I perceived that they were meant to make me and my friend feel some kind of way about our relationship were unnecessary. I was ticked because I feel that dude only saw it as me, a black woman, being interested in a white male. What he doesn't know is why. No questions were asked about how we got to be so good of friends, that would have resulted in us sharing anecdotes from over 4 years of friendship. No inquiry made as to why this man piques my interest - I'd have to note his integrity, thoughtfulness and how he makes me smile. Instead someone who barely knows me and only just met him spoke from his hind parts and sounded like an ass (pun intended). 

Is this the worst situation that could have happened? Of course not...however, it did serve as a reminder that we, as people, are not as post-racial as we like to pretend to be. There are people who still take issue with seeing two people from different backgrounds show that they care for one another, whether that caring be based in platonic love or be of the romantic sort. 

End of the day, love should be given with no respect to color, creed or whatever other form of labeling we try and implement. And folks need to stop judging interracial friends, lovers and whatever falls in between cause you don't know who they are, what they're about or their story.